Searching for Onion Goggles to Stop the Tears

So yesterday, I went on a hunt to look for Onion Goggles. I wouldn't say I left my house with the goal of bringing back onion goggles but I was on my way back from lunch with my friend Steve Ryan and figured I'd stop into Kmart and see if they had them.  I ventured up to the kitchen section and found a Kmart employee and asked her if Kmart carried onion goggles.  She looked at me like I was crazy and then asked me for what?  I told her that I recently started cooking and my eyes tear like crazy when I cut onions.  She responded, "No, and that I should close my eyes."  Hmm...cutting onions with my eyes closed?  Don't think so.

At that point, an elderly coupled, standing next to the employee and listening to our conversation, turned to my friend Steve, who was standing to my left and said to me, why don't you just have him cut the onions for you as if to suggest we were gay partners and why wouldn't my generous boyfriend cut my onions for me...  I was truly puzzled at this point, thinking that she believed that Steve and I were partners and he would be there in the kitchen with me to cut my onions.  Plus, at this point, the Kmart employee is looking at me and I can tell she is thinking, "what a cry baby."

As the elderly couple was walking away, the woman told me to try putting the end of matchstick in my mouth while I cut onions.  I did some research on this and I'm definitely going to try it.  Apparently the sulphur in the matches neutralizes the onions.  Here is a link to a blog: http://www.dustyandamy.com/2011/08/matchstick-miracle.html , where someone talks about the "Matchstick Miracle".  I also read that you can try breathing through your mouth instead of your nose.  Fun times.